MY TOP 5 NEW EXPENDABLES

Anyone who listens to LAMBcast knows that I said I’d rather have gotten a colonoscopy than watch the Expendables. Still, I think the franchise has a lot of potential to be a Kick-Assfest. Inevitably, the next film will be bigger… which means more former action stars. So, I thought I’d throw out my Top 5. This list features only stars who were NOT in the original film. We’d all like to see more of Arnie and Bruce (the latter of which we might actually get), but they are excluded from this list.

Also, I realize this post is a little late but I just saw the film so suck it. Here we go (in order):

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Mr. T, Hulk Hogan, Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris, Carl Weathers.

5. VIN DIESEL.

I’ll be honest… I had Hulk Hogan at #5 but started to think about it and Diesel makes more sense. Vinny, if you’ll remember, was a HUGE action star in the early 2000’s. He’s kind of the first of this new generation (even before Statham who is arguably the biggest of  the new class). However, Diesel has taken a bit of a fall in recent years. Making his career much like those of Sly and Arnie. In a way, it’d be fitting for him to do this film and he could get a lot of respect for being able to laugh at himself at the same time.

CHANCE OF IT HAPPENING: 70%… This one comes down to whether or not Stallone calls him up to the Big Leagues. I think he’d be down to pound.

4. STEVEN SEAGAL.

One of 2 people on this list that should have been in the first film for it to be what it wanted to be. Also, more deserving than a lot of other people in the original. I personally am not a huge Seagal fan so he’s only my #4 but if Stallone wants to pull this off he’s going to need to get Stevie in the film.

CHANCE OF IT HAPPENING: 65%… I don’t think he wanted to do the original so I had it at 50/50. However, after seeing the success of the original, I think he might be a bit more interested in taking part.

3. DUANE “THE ROCK” JOHNSON.

Can you smell what the Kaiderman’s cookin’? I never would’ve thought I would’ve said this 5 years ago but The Rock is kind of awesome… when he’s not doing movies about the Easter bunny or whatever that last thing was about. In fact, I think he’s the only modern day action star that is kind of a throw back to the big 2 of the 80’s and 90’s (Arnie and Sly). Statham is too but in more of a Bruce Willis kind of way. I think getting The Rock involved could also bring some humor to the film which I’d like to see more of… in a kill a guy and say something stupid and awesome way.

CHANCE OF IT HAPPENING: 80%… Again, I think it comes down to Sly. The Rock seems like a pretty cool guy and I think he would totally embrace what Stallone is going for with these films.

2. JCVD.

The next logical choice after Arnie, Sly and Bruce. Apparently, Jean-Claude turned down the first film… those pesky French. I wonder if he would’ve played the Statham role. Hmmm? But I digest…

JCVD was a huge 80’s action star and I think he’s still fun to watch. His recent film JCVD showed he might even be able to act pretty good as well. Again, a situation where Stallone needs to try and make this happen to make the Expendables franchise everything the fans want it to be!

CHANCE OF IT HAPPENING: 50%… I think he’ll be asked again and, based on his career taking a down turn lately, I think it makes sense for him to do it. Sadly, I think JCVD’s ego will keep him out of the film… but fingers crossed.

1. KURT RUSSELL.

Am I the only one who loves this pick? Seriously, it’s the only reason I made this lsit. I’m getting giddy just thinking about it… and I think it could happen. Much like The Rock, Russell strikes me as the kind of guy who would get what these movies are trying to do and would be down to get in on the action (pun intended). Russell has already proven he can do action with classic roles in films like Escape from LA and Big Trouble in Little China. And his recent turn in Death Proof showed that even though he’s older he can still bring the cool. Plus, Sly has the Tango and Cash connection. GOD, I hope they give him a mullet!!!

CHANCE OF IT HAPPENING: 100%… That figure probably isn’t accurate. JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN, ROCK-O!!!