5 ATTRACTIONS I DON’T WANT TO SEE IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM FILM

For this post, I’m building off of my last post. Here’s the basic idea:

Having been a Disneyland pass-holder for the better part of 16 years now, I was super excited to hear Disney was developing a script called THE MAGIC KINGDOM. The story has been described as “Night at the Museum inside Disneyland” and is rumored to be about a family who gets stuck in the theme park after it closes which happens to be when the attractions come to life. Say what you will about Night at the Museum but those films were very fun. Imagine how much funner that premise could be set in surroundings familiar to most of our childhoods.

I was further excited to hear that Jon Favreau would be taking over this project as he films spectacular looking movies that always manage to entertain. The fact that he bailed on Iron Man 3 to make this film also got me very excited thinking that maybe there’s something special here.

So, being that I am very familiar with the park, I thought I’d list a few attractions I would really NOT like to see used in the film. I wouldn’t say these are the Top 5 they shouldn’t use but more the Top 5 I hope they skip. Here they are (in order):

5. ANYTHING IN TOONTOWN.

I always thought Toontown was the lamest addition made to the park. I’m sure kids love it and maybe I was just too old to enjoy it when it was built. I just always wished for another rollercoaster and instead they made a place for little kids. Which I loved the first time when it was called Fantasyland! Still, I have a feeling (and actually hope) Mickey Mouse will play a big part in the story. Since this is where his house is, I fear it will play a part in the film!

4. THE TEA CUPS.

Why weren’t these things used in the film Hostel? Every kid wants to go on the iconic Tea Cups at Disneyland but never feels right after! People who write comedy seem to think things that spin around and make people puke is comedy gold. Sometimes it works (like in The Sandlot) but for the most part it’s just dumb humor. I’d honestly prefer a fart joke!

3. THE ENCHANTED TIKI ROOM.

I’m going to use basically the same argument for this one as I did for #3 but it seems fitting. People who write comedy seem to think a bunch of nutty birds is great to use in the genre. Sometimes it works (like the seagulls in Finding Nemo) but for the most part it’s just annoying. Let’s skip the scene featuring a room full of annoying birds with a penchant for breaking into song!

2. THE HALL OF PRESIDENTS.

This is, I believe, one of the first times Disney used Animatronics in his park. Since it’s so iconic, I feel they may try to use it. My advice is to avoid. Since this film is being touted as “Night at the Museum in Disneyland”, I would avoid taking a page right out of NATM’s book. After all, they all ready did the president coming to life thing with Robin Williams playing Teddy Roosevelt. I suggest finding a new/ different way to be funny in this case.

1. IT’S A SMALL WORLD.

I fear that it’s such an iconic stop at the park that they will feel compelled to use it in the film. Personally, the only way I’d be okay with that is if they make fun of how annoying that song is to listen to over and over again when you’re on the ride. That or somebody busts in and cuts the place to swiss cheese with an Uzi!

Also, Marionettes just plain creep me out!

9 Responses to “5 ATTRACTIONS I DON’T WANT TO SEE IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM FILM”

  1. Editor In Chief Says:

    I think Tiki Room featured the first audio animatronics…but that’s just me. I know it’s lame, but it was so close to Walt’s heart (I think he had a huge hand in creating it) and given your huge love of Walt, I thought you would love this attraction more for nostalgic reasons.

    I love Small World. When it’s freakin hot, and you want to rest your tootsies…it’s the best ride!! Plus, I think the song is REALLY catchy!!

    • First off, the People Mover was made for resting your doggies but the bastards tore it down for the now defunct Rocket Rods. Second, Pirates is the ride you go on to cool off. Let’s be clear on this issue.
      Finally, I appreciate the idea behind the Tiki Room and don’t mind it so much but hate it for this movie because a lesser writer will use it for cheap laughs. I know this because it is EXACTLY what I would do! 🙂

      • I know there was already a movie about it, and therefore that’s probably why it’s on neither list, but don’t underrate The Haunted Mansion for a cooling off zone. Sometime’s it’s a better option than Pirates because the lines are so much shorter.

      • Yeah but Pirates line always moves faster.
        I did think about it though.

  2. Hahahaha! Oh my gosh you hit it right on the money…I mean, “It’s a Small World” is so famous but it’s kind of a useless ride and Toontown? Uhhh. Haha!

  3. Sorry Kai, I gotta side with the EiC on this one, ‘Small World’ is perfect for cooling off on a hot day, and after the remodel, the ride is a lot more enjoyable; trying to find all the Disney Characters hidden amongst the marionettes. Tiki room would be lame, I agree. I do think a good semi-villain would be the crocs from ‘Splash Mountain’. I do have my doubts about this film though; it might turn into an awful mess. Unless of course they use ‘Thunder Mountain Railroad’, that ride kills people, which is why I refuse to ride it.

    • Editor In Chief Says:

      I know right!! I have a hard time getting on Big Thunder, also. Wait, that sounded really pervy! Kai, don’t answer that. Anyways, at least on Space Mountain, you can’t see your death coming.

  4. I hope they don’t do the cliche scene of the kids or wife easily removing Excalibur from the stone in front of the carousel while the dad pathetically struggles with it. Come on.

    Do you think they’ll incorporate hidden Mickeys?

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