Ummm… NO!

I’m going to be honest… this is not the funnest list I’ve ever written. In fact, you’ll notice this is a “Top 5” list as opposed to the typical “My Top 5” lists you’ve come to know and love as I really have no opinion on the matter. However, turnabout is fair play. So, it seemed only fair that, after listing my favorite scenes featuring boobies on display, I put a list together for the ladies so they can have a chance to enjoy some impressive “Magic Sticks”. Here’s 5 for you, girls… I certainly hope you appreciate it!

5. KINSEY (Liam Neeson).

Liam Neeson has many *ahem* “talents” but his *ahem* “biggest”* is featured in this film. See what I did there? Honestly, the size of Neeson’s penis was something of legend for years and he certainly silenced his detractors with this film. My only question is this: How is Julia Roberts still not walking funny?

SIDENOTE: Neeson dated Roberts in the late 80’s… do the math!

4. ANY GIVEN SUNDAY (Several).

At one point in this film, Cameron Diaz (who plays the owner of the fictional Miami Sharks football team, charges into the team’s locker room amidst what could only be considered a sea of penises… is it “penises” or “peni”? Not sure I need an answer for that!

3. 28 DAYS LATER (Cillian Murphy).

In the beginning of 28 Days Later (SPOILER ALERT), Murphy’s character wakes up butt naked on an operating table with what appears to be one of the Grappoids from Tremors napping just below his abdomen. Possibly unnecessary but I’m sure the ladies appreciated it all the same.


For the scene, very early on in the film, where Segel’s character is dumped by the title character (Sarah Marshall), Segel insisted on doing the scene with full frontal nudity to make the audience feel even worse for his character. If I were him, I would’ve insisted to do it that way for purely selfish reasons. That is, Dude is hung! It honestly looks like a fire hose is trying to eat his pelvis.

1. BOOGIE NIGHTS (Mark Wahlberg… sort of).

So, it’s not a real Penis. But I get turned on by boobs that aren’t real all the time so I’m going to assume that the same rule applies for women. This is the most iconic female money shot in the history of films, an honor I’m sure Paul Thomas Anderson holds very dear, and while it may be prosthetic… it certainly is very impressive!

… I really hope WordPress does not add this to their Freshly Pressed page like they did with my Man Crush list!

11 Responses to “TOP 5 MALE NUDE SCENES”

  1. Hahahahahahaha. Forgot about Sarah Marhsall (like what I did there?), great pick. But the #1 definitely goes to Dirk Diggler on this one, no contest and it sure made for one hell of a final shot.

    Also, did Neeson actually show his junk or was it just implied during that scene with the ruler?

  2. Thought you would have Harvey Keitel’s crank on here (from the Piano). Damn thing turns a corner before he does

  3. There’s only one male nude scene worthy of the top spot and that’s the Oliver Reed/Alan Bates naked wrestling match in front of the open fire in Women In Love.

    …to be honest I never thought Forgetting Sarah Marshall would be in any top 5 list…no matter what the subject…okay…maybe top 5 worst films ever made but I don’t even think it’s worthy enough for that!

  4. Ummm… NO!The first one is handsome.The hair at the end of the picture makes me think of something cute.Oh yeah.

  5. Great list. Woulda like an honorable mention for the Crying Game and Terminator.

  6. Great male nude scene for numero uno. The whole film does a great job of leaving out that junk of his, but that last shot is just perfect. You really are a star MarkyMark, you really are. Great List!

  7. Hahahaha.


  8. Damn, I completely forgot the wrestling scene from Borat.

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