DEAR HOLLYWOOD: EMBRACING 3-D

This is a new ongoing post I’m introducing to the site this week wherein the post will act as an open letter to Hollywood executives offering suggestions on how to make movies and the movie going experience better. This week’s focus? 3-D!

So, what happens when an unstoppable force (that being people who complain about the onslaught of upcoming 3-D films) meets an unmovable object (that being the studios and their greed)? You come to a stalemate. Let’s face it, 3-D is here to stay. Instead of bitching about it constantly, I say we embrace the change. I think Casey Siemaszko and my good friend Billy Zane would agree with me there!

Look, I’m OK with venturing into this new world of 3-D but, if we’re going to do this (and pay more for it), I have some rules. Listen up Hollywood because here they are:

1. NO MORE UP CONVERSION.

There have been some moderate successes to come from the up-conversion process… Alice in Wonderland springs to mind… but for the most part, they’ve all been shite! If I’m going to pay an extra 5 bucks for a 3-D movie, it shouldn’t look the same when I take my glasses off. From now on, if a film is going to be 3-D, the technology used on Avatar needs to be used and the filming staged to enhance the 3-D experience. I realize a lot of upcoming films… Resident Evil 4 has just replaced Alice in Wonderland in my brain… are beginning to use this technology which is why I’m not so quick to bash all 3-D films.

2. NOT EVERY MOVIE SHOULD BE 3-D.

COMING THIS FALL: PRECIOUS 3-D BASED ON THE FILM PRECIOUS 2-D BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE BASED ON POSSIBLE REAL LIFE EVENTS… [gasps for air]… YOU’VE NEVER SEEN AN OVERWEIGHT MOLESTATION VICTIM RUN WITH CHICKEN LIKE THIS!!!

I think we call agree that not every film needs to be 3-D.

3. TAKE A NOTE FROM DISNEY.

I know many of you haven’t had the chance to visit Disney Anaheim’s California Adventure (located adjacent to Disneyland) but I have… jealous? At the park, there is a ride called Soaring over California where you sit down and your seat is then whisped up into the air and held amidst a giant screen the shape of a half sphere. Here’s a pic to give you an idea:

Now I don’t know about you but one of my biggest gripes with 3-D is that the limitations of the screen tend to take me out of the 3-D experience… glass looks like it’s flying at me until it hits the theater curtain and disappears. While I don’t expect theater owners to retrofit their theaters with flying/ suspended seating, why not consider reshaping or expanding the size of the screen… have it extend up side walls of the theaters and make a more immersive experience. This would be costly but we will ultimately pay for it.

Along the same line of thought as well, how about continuing to work on chairs that vibrate along with explosions and the like in the films we’re watching… Disney too has been doing this kind of stuff since Captain EO premiered and it makes for a memorable experience… I’m just saying!

That’s it for now, MOVIE GOERS.

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Have a great week and remember… get out every once in a while… life is 3-D too!!!

19 Responses to “DEAR HOLLYWOOD: EMBRACING 3-D”

  1. Paragraph Film Reviews Says:

    Top post there Kai, 3D’s definitely my personal Antichrist. I’m going to be lazy (cos that’s the kind of guy I am) and copy/paste a rant I’ve used before about why studios should give up on it…

    ————

    I’m totally sick of hearing about 3D TV (and films) already. For the past two years every magazine, tech show and major manufacturer has been progressively ramming it down our throats. It will NEVER be a financial success because even a simpleton like me can see so many hurdles that no amount of hype could overcome: no official 3D standard yet, compatibility issues with current home equipment, a ridiculously high price tag, stupid glasses (unless you watch it on your own on some TVs), negative effects on people’s eyes/brain, and most importantly – being nothing more than a faddy gimmick.

    It’s failed so often in the past: 1950s, 1970s, it chipped away all through the 1990s to no great effect. This is the fourth coming of 3D and everyone’s trying to cash in by doing it on the cheap and botching their film – which isn’t doing the effect any favours. (Note: this is in relation to poor ’3D’ movies filmed normally then altered in post-production – Clash of the Titans!!)

    I simply can’t fathom why so many companies are ploughing millions into a doomed technology, that’s a niche of a niche. What’s even worse is that in the UK HDTV hasn’t really matured much in the past few years. Currently 9% of UK people have HD content coming in to their house, so companies are expecting the majority of people to leapfrog HD and go straight to 3DHD? Never going to happen!

    The whole idea is supposed to be a novelty, everyone seems to be forgetting that!

    ———–

    My only fear is that the companies have invested so much money into it that their greed makes them an unmovable object. 😦

    • As opposed to the past, it’s hear to stay a bit longer this time I’m afraid. The theater change doesn’t surprise me… the quickness with which 3-D TV’s have appeared is shocking! I think Monsters vs. Aliens is the only available true 3-d DVD and no networks offer 3-D programming. Blows my mind. Don’t be naive though… they will cash in on this! As for personal feelings, doesn’t bother me with animated films but I’m sick of it. However, if they’re going to do it, I hope they read my post! 🙂

  2. Sorry Kai but I’m one of those people wo wont quite moaning about 3D!

    It just aseems like a money grabbing gimmick to me. I was willing to give it a chance with Avatar, but having jsut watched (and reviewed) it in 2D I’ve got to say that the 3D did nothing for the movie except provide the occassional distraction.

    I really don’t want to see a flood of 3D films into theatres, but it’s already happening and like you say the studio bosses are an imovble object. I guess I’m stuck with it for now. I’m just oping people get tired of it soon, just like the last time this happened.

    • I completely agree. I just think the moaning is of little use… the up-conversion and overuse of 3-D is purely a money grabbing gimmick… but, like I said, I’m willing to see if the upcoming films shot with Avatar’s technology will represent this 3-D revolution better. Maybe we’llm have that experience recreated a few times and feel differently toward it… to a certain extent, that is!

  3. First off, only 9% of Brits have HD??!! Those poor people; might as well be rubbing sticks together to make fire. That being said, I hate the idea of 3D flooding the market. It’s a gimmick, plain and simple. If I want 3D, I’ll just look outside, or inside for that matter. The reason I fear the onslaught of 3D is the same reason I don’t watch most horror movies: visual tricks make directors/producers/writers lazy and cheapen and ultimately ruin a movie. Horror = shitty cookie cutter script + gore. (I know there are exceptions Kai, please don’t hate me) Movie execs are going to be even more lazy and pump out horrible movies designed to exploit 3D “Oh my god, the car is coming right for us!” “Watch out, there’s shrapnel from an explosion heading toward the screen!”

    That being said, ifa theater was willing to go all out and get the vibrating seats etc., and the studios were willing to only make movies 3D that really deserved it, and then did it right, I would begin to appreciate the fourth? coming of 3D. But 3D TV’s are still a stupid idea and ultimately a money-pit.

    • Absolutely… I totally agree Wes. Nice to have you back BTW! And don’t worry… the films that prove you wrong are also the exceptions that prove the rule! Again, not defending 3-D… just submitting ideas to make the inevitable more tolerable.
      BTW, the new 3-D drops back more than it pops out huh? See, I did BTW 2 times to make you feel better.
      But, Wes, this is unimportant compared to the fact that we are 2 short months from FANTASY FOOTBALL!!! What What!!

    • Paragraph Film Reviews Says:

      9% as of May 2010. It’s sad but true that the HD market in Europe is still tiny. Mostly because of the money involved. The biggest (and pretty much only) UK HDTV provider charges a minimum of £25/month for basic package and ~£60/ ~$90 USD a month for all movies & sports in HD too. The total number of channels available is around 30, and most channels have a 50-50 HD/SD split.

      For Blu Rays, stand alone players are dropping in price but the PS3 is still £250/£375 for the console alone and chart Blu Rays are £20/$30 each.

      I have both HDTV (which I’ve just canceled) and a PS3 but feel very short-changed at the moment. No idea how this fares against the US price of High Definition.

      In my opinion the majority of people that will make the jump to 3DTV in Europe will be those with HD at the moment (i.e. people that want the latest). As noted above that’s only 1/10, and not everyone of those is convinced!!!!

  4. Damn, said “that being said” twice. What I get for trying to sound smart 😦

  5. Don’t forget, the glasses suck shit if you yourself need glasses to function soberly. Make them bigger, goddammit! At the very least, supply filters to attach to glasses, like a dear.

    Agree with you on every single part, darling dear (I like affection, limited nicknames today, humor me). Never thought of the screen expansion, but that would be awesome.

    • Thanks for the love, Rips… and, yeah, if we’re going to do it, let’s do it right! As far as the glasses over glasses… you’re on your own there but I hear that complaint alot!

  6. I reckon once it hits the home video market in a big way, we’re stuck with it… which looks like it’s coming sooner rather than later.

    Which is ironic, since cinemas originally wanted it to take off so you’d have an experience you couldn’t pirate or pick up at home.

  7. I agree with Kai that it is here to stay. The technology will improve over the next few years and it will be as common as HDTV or DVR today.

  8. Love this take on 3D. I’m not a big fan of it and 3D cinema gives me the mother of all headaches. But like you say, it’s here to stay, so why not embrace it? We’ll wonder what the big fuss was all about in a few years.

  9. sarahnsh Says:

    I know that 3D is here to stay longer than it has before… doesn’t mean that I don’t like it and definitely won’t pay for it. I do have to say Avatar in 3D was amazing, but I just don’t see anything else touching how gorgeous that was in 3D. Everyone else will go with the gimmick of stuff flying at your face 3D style and I’ll just show that I don’t like it by not paying those extra bucks for 3D.

  10. “COMING THIS FALL: PRECIOUS 3-D BASED ON THE FILM PRECIOUS 2-D BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE BASED ON POSSIBLE REAL LIFE EVENTS… [gasps for air]… YOU’VE NEVER SEEN AN OVERWEIGHT MOLESTATION VICTIM RUN WITH CHICKEN LIKE THIS!!!”

    FT fawkin W

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