THE REASONS MOVIES RULE: TREMORS
It’s time for a new entry into our REASONS MOVIES RULE series. Wherein we give you 10 reasons a cult film, be it awesomely good or so bad it’s awesomely good, deserves to be given some respect. This week’s entry: TREMORS.
It’s fair to say I’ve watched this film hundreds and hundreds of times. As a kid I rented it at my local video store on a weekly basis and after awhile, my VHS machine even got tired of listening to the Darkman trailer that came right before the swanky tune-age that cued Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward to wake up to the longest weekend of their lives. The dialogue is campy, the ideals behind the underground monster is a long shot at best, but the acting isn’t half bad, some of the one liners are hilarious, and the character’s are classic. I’m not ashamed to say I own the quadrilogy. Tremors is the epitome of Awesomely Bad.
The one-liners. They may not be reflective or particularly smart, but if quoting Tremors for an entire day is something you cannot do, maybe it’s time we call this friendship a day. Any of the insane exclamations could be used at random at any given time, and incite pants peeing laughter. Here are some of my favorites:
BURT: Broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn’t ya you bastard!
EARL: Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.
EARL: Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long view, I mean here it is Monday and I’m already thinking of Wednesday… It is Monday right?
BURT: I wouldn’t give you a gun if it were World War 3.
RHONDA LeBECK: No, you don’t understand, these creatures are absolutely unprecedented.
NESTOR: Yeah, but where do they come from?
EARL: Run for it? Running’s not a plan! Running’s what you do, once a plan fails!
VALENTINE: Hey – check this out! I found the ass end!
2. THE PORNO.
Tremors seemed to have influenced the most hysterical porn parody I have ever seen. Picture this………a couple is making out on the ridge of a mountain (“SAND GETS IN EVERYTHING!” -thanks Anakin ), and suddenly a small rumble sets this hot and bothered couple apart. They turn around to see a giant penis with little penis’s coming up the ridge to get…..well you figure the rest out. It is easily the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
3. MICHAEL GROSS.
The Dad from Family Ties is what made sequels possible and a transition from Graboids to ass blasters made the follow up films worth watching. His role was as Burt, and as insane as he was, he was the “X” factor that made the film work. Hysterical because of his deadpan seriousness and dedication to his paranoia, he is a character that is epic in the original and has a whole helluva lot of fun taking liberties in the sequels making fun of everything that Burt is. If he doesn’t make you laugh, what could?
4. ORIGINAL & FUN.
In spite of the ridiculous nature of the sequels the original film is fairly considered a guilty pleasure, or awesomely bad as I prefer to say, but I’ve always found the original film to be a legitimately good movie. Sure there is a lot of sand, and you know how “IT GETS IN EVERYTHING”, but there was a lot of creativity involved. The isolation of their small town, the ignorance of it’s population, and the evolution of learning with the characters. Also it was fucking cool enough to realize it didn’t need a villain or a bad guy. The Graboids were enough all on their own… that and the goddamn golden oldies.
5. THE PHALLIC MONSTERS.
Okay, giant underground worm that sucks you into the ground? And if that isn’t enough, wormy phallic snake-like creatures for tongues? I guess it’s not a shock that somebody connected the dots and made a porno parody of this movie. In spite of the snake/worm/other things features of out monsters, you have to admit they were pretty formidable especially for having no eyes. It was a good thing they kept driving into our heads how smart they were.
All right, let me jump in here…
6. KEVIN BACON & FRED WARD.
I think we’ve covered that the movie is awesome on it’s own merit but what gives it the charm to rise above other similar films of this genre is the back and forth between, the main characters, Valentine and Earl. Fred Ward (Earl) has proven he can deliver. He can do both comedy and action, so, let’s focus on Kevin Bacon (Valentine). I’ll most definately discuss Fred Ward further when I do Remo Williams. Bacon brings a classic tongue-in-cheek performance that really surprised me. Who knew he could play something other than a killer, pedophile or a young man who’s compelled to dance even in a town that forbids it.
Ooh, just thought of something: What’s a Graboids favorite food? Bacon… Kevin Bacon. Haha… that was more for me than you… moving right along!
I know Heather kind of stole my thunder on this one but she left out my favorite line of dialogue from the film:
VALENTINE: I’m a victim of circumstance!
EARL: I thought you call it your pecker.
8. REBA MCENTIRE.
I was going to comment on Michael Gross but once again Heather beat me to it (DAMN that whole “ladies first” movement). It’s okay however because it gives me a chance to shine a light on the always awesome Reba Mcentire who plays Heather Gummer… the yin to Burt’s yang. Mcentire turns in a tour de force as the female NRA member with a chip on her shoulder. I think it’s a testimony to how good this film is that Reba chose this as her first acting role. I mean, we all know you wait for just the right script before making the important jump from the world of music to the big screen.
9. THE VAGINA MONSTERS.
FUNNY! Heather saw the monsters as being very phallic. They actually reminded me very much of vaginas. [Yes… I have dated some very strange and crazy women in the past.] Actually, I’m convinced that the Graboids are the bastard children of the giant sand vagina that ate Boba Fett in Return of the Jedi. Think about it… you’ll get it! [That Limpbizkit reference was for Heather… Snoogins!]
10. DYNAMITE FISHING.
That’s not how you catch a Graboid!
I don’t want to ruin the film for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet so let’s just say this: BEST… WAY… TO… KILL… A… MONSTER… EVER!!!!!
And since Heather and I both did “QUOTES”, I’m adding a BONUS:
11. REAL WORLD APPLICATIONS.
Not sure how this makes the movie any cooler… just really wish I had thought of it for my wedding!
SIDENOTE: The fun ain’t over, folks… TREMORS V: THE THUNDER DOWN UNDER is due on video this year according to IMDB!
That’s it for now, Cult Film Fans.
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Check back Saturday as that is when new posts go up. Have a great week and remember… You’ll be fine… just stay where they can’t get you… on these residual boulders!!!