A LITTLE HELP OVER HERE…

Typically, it isn’t hard to assess where someone is from. Whether it be due to the color of their skin, their behavior in social situations, an accent, whatever! From time to time, an actor (say James MacEvoy) can have me thinking he’s American but as soon as I catch him in an interview I say, “Oh, okay, that guy’s British!” Done and done.

However, there are 3 celebrities that I just can’t place… maybe you guys can help me out. I’ve researched them but I’m pretty sure their bios have been forged. They happen to be 3 of the best and hardest working actors in the biz. So, can I get A LITTLE HELP OVER HERE… where are these guys from???

1. WILLEM DAFOE.

IMDB says he’s from Wisconsin… I’m not buying it!

I got to thinking about this the other day while watching Daybreakers. It was only half way through the movie that I realized he was rockin’ a mid-west accent. I didn’t even see the change. He’s also such a blank canvas that he can play everything from an eastern European arms dealer or a fem homosexual detective and I buy that too. So, which is it?

MY VERDICT: Based on his strange looks, I actually think Dafoe was built in a super secret labratory using left over body parts from fallen veterans of World War 2.

2. JOHN MALKOVICH.

IMDB says Illinois… that’s not right!

If Malkovich is American, than he’s the only American with an accent… well, him and Madonna. It’s funny cause he’s the only American playing a Musketeer in The Man in the Iron Mask and he somehow manages to sound more European than Gabriel Byrne and Gerard Depardeau (that can’t be spelled right).

MY VERDICT: Honestly… I have no frackin’ clue! I like to pretend he’s Russian like his character KGB from Rounders.

3. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN.

IMDB says New York… hold the phone!

There is just no way. I actually think if you were making a comedy about an alien who came to Earth disguised as a human and tried to blend in, you’d tell the actor playing the part to talk like Christopher Walken… and he’d be hilarious. What with all the unnecessary pauses in the middle of sentences and inflection on the wrong syllables… that’s it. I’ve got it.

MY VERDICT: Outer Space… I’m actually pretty certain on this one!

That’s it for now, Weirdos. Feel free to comment below. I never edit any of the comments. Remember, this was meant to be an interactive site, as much as I love the sound of my own voice.

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Check back Saturday as that is when new posts go up. Have a great week and remember… THESE MEN MAY BE ARMED AND DANGEROUS!!!

15 Responses to “A LITTLE HELP OVER HERE…”

  1. Paragraph Film Reviews Says:

    To let you in on a family secret, Walken is Sicilian, he’s got that nice skin tone because his great great great great grandma fu…. you know how it goes!

    Awesome post dude.

    • Close, actually I think Walkin is from a little farther “South of Heaven”-thanks to Slayer for subtle reference… So maybe he was spawned from the bowels of either Mount Etna or Vesuvius. Either way he get the most cowbell out of anybody!

  2. Betty Robbins Says:

    Ok. Here’s my two cents. I say KGB spys every one of them! Think about it….they all have undistiguishable accents (none of which match their so called home towns!). What does that spell? KGB spys what else?…. See I do read your blog Kai! Love ya! Betty ;~)

  3. I want to post it, Paul, but NBC won’t allow it showed on youtube anymore!

  4. Dafoe stricks me as a very specific kund of German-weird…Eastern European at least.

  5. isnt Walken the King of New York? if he isnt from New York, who is?
    Natalie Portman is Israeli.

  6. Editor In Chief Says:

    johnny depp and gwenyth paltrow also have that “i’ve been living in Europe too long” thing…hey, even yours truly developed a southern twang after only living in tx for 18 mo…it happens…

  7. Editor In Chief Says:

    p.s. kudos on actually being able to type an impression of walken..i think it translated okay? i got it, at least…

  8. Great post. I think you’re spot on with Walken. And I actually would have pegged Malkovich as central European who learnt English at an early age – he has that weird “non-accent” that you sometimes get.

  9. Malkovich just has swagger. He is one of my favorites ever in the history of actors, because his awesomeness is unmatched.

    Dafoe I never thought was born and raised here. He has such a mix of dialect it wouldn’t surprise me if he or his parents just traveled Europe during his youth. He looks German or maybe Ukrainian to me though.

    Walken is as the brilliant Ross pointed out, the king of New York. An alternate universe New York, but New York nonetheless.

  10. Great post! And I like to think that Malkovich is from a parallel world 😀

  11. I am from Southern Illinois and know that Malkovich is from Benton, IL. In fact, there are still Malkovich’s living in Benton.

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