HAULING ASS OR DRAGGING FOOT: A ZOMBIE DISCUSSION
I don’t know about you but, personally, there’s 2 things in life I love: My family and Zombies!!!
I happen to be completely obsessed with the genre. With both the good submissions and the bad. Today, I want to address a conversation that has arisen, and grown more heated, in the Zombie loving community over the last 6 years… ever since Zach Snyder’s awesome remake of the much loved cult classic Dawn of the Dead. The question is this: Which Zombie is better… the Romero creeper? Or the Snyder sprinter? To help me out, Marc from Go, See, Talk ( a great blog, by the way) has come on to help me debate the issue.
Romero: The man, the myth, the legend.
Before we dive in, I’d like to sidetrack for a moment and address which we would be more likely to encounter should a real Zombie attack ever actually take place. The genesis behind Romero’s idea for his Zombies, that move at turtle speed, was that they would move like that due to the onset of rigor mortis. The definition of which is a chemical change in the muscles after death, causing the limbs of the corpse to become stiff (Latin rigor) and difficult to move or manipulate.
The flaw in this logic is that rigor mortis commences after about 3 hours, reaches maximum stiffness after 12 hours, and gradually dissipates until approximately 72 hours after death. So, should a Zombie outbreak ever actually occur, the amount of stiffening taking place in the corpse would vary depending on time of death… not to mention that the level of decomposition that had overtaken the corpse would have a profound effect as well. So, the truth of the matter is, in the real world, we would probably encounter both.
THE TRENDY CHOICE:
[YAWN] I would like to thank Marc for basically winning my argument for me. 🙂
Here’s what I think:
First off, I’ll just say that Night of the Living Dead (which, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved) never made much sense to me. If Zombies move so slow and are so weak that you could just run by them or knock them to the ground when they got close, why the hell would you hole up in a house??? I mean, the only way they pose a threat by moving like turtles is if a couple thousand of them surround you… which is exactly what will happen if you HOLE UP IN A HOUSE!!! Why not get with a group, find an RV, drive in shifts and stay on the move… this, of course, being just one of countless other options open to you if you’re trying to survive an attack from SMZ’s (as my opponent would have you call them). An option you do not have when facing Sprinters!
To further prove why the SMZ’s, are so lame, let’s stick with Night of the Living Dead. Sure, to make Dawn of the Dead, Romero conveniently kept the outbreak alive and thriving. However, at the end of Night, the threat had basically been contained… by a small militia of rednecks with their own personal fire arms, no less. How lame is that? That’s not scary… and when I watch a Zombie flick, I want to be scared!
Enter Zack Snyder with balls to the wall, hit the bricks, hauling ass Zombie. Now, these things are frackin’ scary! They also gave the long beloved genre a much needed shot in the arm… inspiring countless imitators just like the original did. The only bad thing is this brought all the purists, like my boy Marc, out of the woodwork screaming, “BLASPHEMY!!!” A charge, I say, that comes with falsely fueled fervor.
It comes down to this… if Snyder had remained true to Romero’s vision of Zombies, the purists and non-fans alike would be yelling, “BORING!!!” Assuming, of course, they force the word out through the might of their collective yawn. Let’s be honest, we have all become ADD. Video Games, GPS, iTunes, Tivo, Porn readily available at the click of a mouse (Thank You, God)… we have become immune as a society to the building of tension and the “slow burn” (Please don’t leave comments about this last sentence to show that you’re the exception that proves the rule). We need everything these days fast, hard, loud and in our faces. And that is exactly what the modern day “Hauling Ass” Zombie provides.
Admit it… the Zombie you want to see in your movies is the Zombie you hope you’d never see in real life. Not the one that stumbles around like me after a sixer of Stone Ruination India Pale Ale… ooh… I need a drink… let’s wrap this up!
So, dear readers, I leave it you. Which is better? You can leave your comments below. I’d also highly recommend stopping by Marc‘s site where he has a poll set up on the matter at hand. You can find it by clicking on the banner below!
That’s it for now, Z-Heads.
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Check back Thursday when our new post will be up. I’m also going to try and keep the mid-week (Wednesday) posts going in the future so stay tuned. Have a great week and remember… SHOOT FOR THE HEAD!!!