I’m sorry, my friends, but it is once again necessary for me to use this platform as a means of performing a public service. If there’s one thing hobos with signs in Hollywood movies have taught me it’s that THE END IS NEAR! How will it come? Asteroids, solar flares, biological terrorism, global deterioration, an act of God, Kanye West… these are all probable. However, I think we can all agree that our most imminent threat is that the undead will return to life and begin to feast on the flesh of the living. A.K.A. ZOMBIES!!!
Before I continue, I think you should know what my qualifications on this subject are. First off, I’ve seen just about every Zombie movie ever made (I’ve seen Dawn of the Dead 30 times alone), I read The Walking Dead, I own a red plaid shirt (that one’s for the Fanboys), I’ve read all the Marvel Zombies books, including the Army of Darkness crossovers, I once saw Simon Pegg (star of Shaun of the Dead) from 30 feet away at a bar in L.A., I’ve played Resident Evil and Left 4 Dead Parts 1 & 2, and I once woke up next to a young lady that, I swear to this day, looked herself to be one of the undead. What a night that was! Oh, and I am currently working on my AA at a local community college. Go Eagles! Needless to say, my credentials are impecable. But I am not the first to bring light to these urgent matters. I am merely adding bricks and mortar to a foundation put in place by the likes of George A. Romero, Max Brooks, Danny Boyle and many others. Now that credit has been given, let’s set the stage.
A Zombie situation can break out at any point in time. There’s no way of pinpointing where you’ll be or what you’re situation will be like. For our intents and purposes here, let’s assume reports are flooding in that the towns and cities surrounding your’s are being overrun by the undead. The threat is imminent and it’s only a matter of time before it makes it’s way to you. With that established, I present you with tips on HOW TO SURVIVE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. Continue reading
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